The Effect of Cohabitation on Maintenance

Alimony, spousal maintenance, and spousal support are all terms used to describe the financial support provided by one divorcing spouse to his or her former partner. Maintenance payments may be made in one lump sum, but they also often take the form of periodic payments made over the course of a period of time. These payments may be set to continue indefinitely, or to terminate after a fixed period of time.

Illinois law provides that one basis for termination of spousal maintenance, regardless of its type, is where the maintenance recipient "cohabitates" with a third party. Specifically, the Illinois Marriage and Dissolution of Marriage Act provides for termination of spousal maintenance payments if the maintenance recipient is found to be living with a third party on a “resident, continuing, conjugal basis.” Note that this is not limited to situations where the cohabitation takes place after the divorce; in some cases ex-spouses have been denied spousal maintenance where the cohabitation took place prior to the finalization of the divorce. The party seeking to terminate maintenance carries the burden of proving cohabitation.

A “Resident, Continuing, Conjugal Basis”

What, then, is a “resident, continuing, conjugal basis”?

These cases are typically fact specific.  Often the values of the judge is an important factor.  Other factors that Illinois courts will consider include sharing of living expenses, joint purchasing of household items, intertwining of bank accounts and credit card use, how long the maintenance recipient has been living with the third party, how much time the couple spends together, the interrelationship of the couple’s personal lives and affairs (e.g., whether the couple vacations or spends holidays together), and the nature of the activities the couple engages in. In other words, the term "conjugal" implies a "marriage-like" relationship. A simple house sharing or roommate arrangement will not rise to the level of "marriage-like," and therefore will not operate to terminate spousal maintenance.

Inconsistencies in Rulings

Given the fact specific nature of these cases, Illinois courts have been inconsistent in how they rule on such issues. It is strongly recommended that someone seeking termination of maintenance payments on the basis of cohabitation consult an Illinois divorce attorney. By the same token, if you fear your spousal maintenance payments are at risk due to what is merely a roommate situation, contact us immediately.

Talking to your Children about the Divorce

For parents who are getting or considering a divorce in Illinois, how, what and when to tell the kids are of primary concern. Although parents may often be preoccupied by their own feelings of hurt and devastation and may be tempted to delay the discussion with their children, it’s usually better for the children to know about the decision immediately, and especially before one of their parent’s moves out.

It's important for parents to understand that children will be anxious, worried, and perhaps even angry at the prospect of mom and dad splitting up. The following tips can help parents plan to deliver the news in a reassuring, supportive, and sympathetic way.

When and How to Tell the Kids

Make a plan before sitting down to talk with the kids. Parents who are prepared can anticipate tough questions and are in a much better position to help their kids handle the news. In order to minimize shock, it’s important to let kids in on the situation right away, or at least before any changes in living arrangements occur. If possible, both parents should be present to talk with the children. While there may be a great deal of anger, disappointment or resentment between spouses, in front of the kids it is imperative to remain calm, be respectful, and present a united front.

Try to strike an empathetic tone. Physical proximity – pats on the arm or shoulder, hugs, or just sitting near – can be a powerful way to reassure kids. Be sensitive to age differences – a simple explanation is best for younger kids who won't require many details; older kids and teenagers, however, may need more information.

What to Tell Them

Always tell the truth, but try to keep it as simple as possible. Agree on an explanation with your spouse ahead of time and give the children a reason even if it’s as simple as “mom and dad just can’t get along anymore.” Avoid pointing fingers and be respectful of your spouse when giving reasons for the separation. Do not discuss issues such as money or extramarital affairs. Be sure to make it very clear to the children that they are not the cause of the divorce.

The kids’ anxiety will likely center on how the details of how divorce is going to affect them on a day to day basis. Tell them what will change – who they will live with, where they will go to school. Let them know that you will have to work some things out together as you go. Don’t put pressure on kids to choose sides and let them know that even though the marriage is ending, both parents will remain involved with them. Let them know how much you both love them and remind them that parents and kids don’t stop loving each other or get divorced.

Reassure and Support Them

Encourage the children to share their feelings and really listen to what they say. Children may have difficulty expressing emotions; parents can help by taking notice of their moods and encouraging them to talk. Acknowledge their feelings and let them know it’s okay to be sad, disappointed, angry, or confused. Be patient with your kids. They may seem to understand one day and then be unsure again the next. Patiently repeat the discussion as often as needed, reassuring them that they are not responsible and that both parents will continue to love them. To the extent possible, continue to maintain and observe rules and routines. Kids feel safer and more secure when they know what to expect next.

When You Need a Divorce Lawyer to Step In

The best advice about when you need to contact divorce lawyers is as soon as your spouse tells you that they're filing for divorce. If you don't have a lawyer for divorce and your spouse has one, you can be very certain that the situation's going to go against you. Divorce lawyers work very aggressively and very hard for their clients. When you're talking about your lawyers for divorce, that's a good thing. When you're talking about your spouse's lawyers for divorce, it means that you need your own representation.

Divorce lawyers understand the law regarding divorce to a very fine level of detail. If your spouse has a good lawyer, they're going to start looking at every way that they can get the best deal possible for your spouse, whether or not it's a good deal for you. Even if your spouse is not particularly vindictive towards you, their lawyers for divorce will encourage your spouse to get the best possible arrangement out of the divorce and not to worry so much about your needs. After all, your marriage is ending so your spouse has little reason to be that concerned about your needs, anyway.

Another reason that you want to seek a divorce lawyer right away has to do with children. If there are children involved in the marriage, everything instantly becomes much more complicated. No matter how bitter you and your spouse are towards each other, your spouse, you and your lawyers for divorce will all understand that whatever the children need comes first. Even though this is the case, don't expect that to mean that any negotiations you engage in with your spouse's legal representation without your own representation there are going to go in your favor. You definitely need to get a lawyer right away if you want to come out of the divorce without being taken advantage of.

Fighting Tough Divorce Cases

Where divorce is concerned, the best case scenario is an uncontested divorce where both parties agree to the terms of the divorce without any real fighting. Most of the time, however, each member of the couple will have to engage the services of divorce law attorneys to represent their interests. If you don't have an attorney for divorce representing you and your spouse does, you're going to be at a significant disadvantage, obviously. Particularly if the divorce gets very heated, you want to make certain that you have the right divorce law attorney on your side.

The first thing your divorce law attorney will need to understand is what the situation is between you and your spouse. They will need to know information such as whether or not there was abuse involved in the marriage, whether or not the children are safe with both spouses or only with one, whether there were family businesses that were mutually owned and other information. The divorce law attorneys will go through this information and start to get an idea of where to go with the divorce. They'll also be able to begin determining what you can realistically expect to get out of the divorce in the end.

When you hire a divorce law attorney, it's a big decision. This is going to be the person who represents you during one of the most potentially disastrous times of your life. A wrong step, a missed opportunity for a lacking knowledge of the law on the part of your divorce law attorney may mean that you end up coming out far worse than you would've otherwise. Make sure you choose divorce law attorneys who have experience, knowledge and a solid track record of representing their clients effectively. Otherwise, you may find yourself fighting a losing battle and ending up paying a lot of money for having done so.

Family Law Does Consider Children

If you're visiting Chicago family lawyers because you're considering filing for a divorce or are already embroiled in one, any children you have will be first and foremost on your mind. A Chicago family lawyer can give you information specific and relevant to your case, but there are some aspects of this law generally that may give you some piece of mind.

First, your children are considered first by the court where custody is concerned. Family lawyers in Chicago work within a system where custody disputes hinge on what's best for the child. If there is something about your current or ex-spouse that makes you worried about them being around your children, family lawyers in Chicago may be able to help you.

Family lawyers in Chicago also have the advantage of understanding what matters and what does not matter under the law. In some cases, one spouse may try to intimidate the other by claiming that they'll take legal actions based on aspects of your life that are not at all relevant to child custody issues. For example, if you cohabitate with someone, that person will be considered when custody matters are decided, but cohabitating alone does not disqualify you from having custody.

Family lawyers in Chicago sometimes can actually help diffuse the worst situations. If you and the party you're having the dispute with have lawyers, it means that you won't have to deal with each other as much, which can calm the emotions that run hot during these disputes.

If you need a family lawyer in Chicago, the best time to contact them is right away. Dealing with custody issues is horribly stressful and these attorneys, due to their knowledge and experience, may be able to help you overcome some of that stress and start moving forward by letting you know your real options.

Family Law Attorneys in Chicago and how They can Help You

Family law attorneys can step in and even the playing field when someone is taking advantage of you in a divorce or a child custody situation. When you work with a family law attorney in Chicago, you'll find that you likely have rights that you weren’t aware of and that being taken advantage of is oftentimes simply a condition of not knowing when someone is stepping over the line.

The right Chicago family law attorney will be able to look at your case, see where things might be going wrong for you and help you to determine how you want to go about righting those things. Sometimes, people who are being divorced find out that their spouse wasn't planning on giving them the things to which they were entitled or that their spouse concealed money or other assets from them. A Chicago family law attorney can make sure that you know the whole situation regarding your divorce, particularly if it's a contested divorce that gets ugly because someone is trying to take advantage of you financially or emotionally.

Remember that family law attorney's in Chicago will need to meet with you before they take you on as a client. Good attorneys need to get an idea of the situation before they will know whether or not they're the best choice for you. If you're in a bad situation, however, it's important to remember that the law is designed to keep things fair and to keep any one party from being taken advantage of by the other. If you feel like you're not being given the full picture as far as assets, not being given enough custody or have other divorce-related issues, contact a family law attorney in Chicago to see if they can help you resolve the situation.