What should you bring to the First Mediation Appointment?

Although mediation in the broadest sense of the term - that is, a process which seeks to reach a negotiated resolution of a conflict between two parties with the assistance of an impartial third one - has been practiced in society since ancient times, its application to the resolution of disputed issues in Illinois family law cases is a relatively recent phenomenon.

If you and your spouse have decided to mediate issues in your divorce such as custody, visitation or spousal maintenance (as “alimony” is known under Illinois law), you probably already understand generally how the process works and what to expect. Nevertheless, mediation will probably be a new and stressful experience for both of you and some basic preparation can help relieve your anxiety and improve the chances for a successful outcome.         

Choosing an Illinois Divorce Mediator

No two mediators have exactly the same style or approach. Since it’s obviously important for both spouses to be able to trust and feel comfortable with the selected mediator, you and your spouse should interview several candidates; if possible, do this together and compare notes after each interview.

Before you meet the first candidate, make a list of what you feel are the major issues in dispute (starting with the most important to you), and encourage your spouse to do the same. Look for a mediator whom you both feel understands your respective positions regarding these areas of conflict and who appears able to remain reasonably impartial.

Also, since many other types of disputes also can be resolved through mediation, be sure to ask each candidate about his or her specific training and experience in divorce mediation.

Scheduling and Location

Depending upon the number and complexity of disputed issues, work schedules and the level of emotion, it may be preferable to schedule a number of shorter mediation sessions instead of attempting to resolve everything in a single meeting. 

Many qualified mediators have facilities that can accommodate your group comfortably, but other options, such as meeting rooms in the local library, may also be available. Remember that you’ll be talking openly about some of the most personal details of your life, so be sure that whatever site you choose is set up in a way that will ensure your privacy.        

Collecting and Preparing Documentation

The documentation you’ll need to gather or prepare will depend on the issues to be mediated, but items commonly needed include proof of income (pay stubs, Social Security or disability payment information), tax returns and lists and estimated values of marital assets. Be sure to bring enough copies of each document for yourself, your spouse the mediator and, if they will be present, your respective attorneys.   

If you and your spouse have already agreed on some issues (for example, a child visitation schedule), it can be helpful to prepare a rough draft or outline of those items. Even though they were resolved outside the mediation, they should be included in any final mediation agreement. 

Keep a Positive Attitude

This is the single most important thing to bring to the session. In large part, what you and your spouse put into the mediation process will determine its success or failure. Above all, try to maintain an open mind and a determination to resolve as many issues as possible with the least amount of conflict.

What is a 4 way Settlement Conference?

A “four way” settlement conference in an Illinois divorce case involves the two spouses and their respective attorneys. If you are divorcing or planning to do so, and you and your spouse prefer to avoid a trial, a four-way conference is one possible way to resolve many commonly disputed matters. Here are some things to consider when deciding if a four-way settlement conference is appropriate in your case. 

First, the potential advantages. 

Cost Savings - Most Illinois family lawyers charge hourly fees for cases that go to trial. Multiply that rate by several eight to ten hour days preparing for and trying a typical divorce case and it’s easy to see how family law litigation can quickly become expensive.

Time Savings - Court schedules are busy, especially in Chicago and other urban areas. Unlike criminal defendants, parties to a divorce case are not guaranteed a speedy trial. Even if you’re both inclined to settle, traditional settlement discussions between attorneys and  their respective clients, can consume weeks or even months. In a four-way conference, all necessary parties are in the same place, allowing proposals and counterproposals to be exchanged and considered on the spot.   

Reduction of Stress - Even the most civilized uncontested divorce is an emotionally difficult process and contested cases are obviously those much more stressful. In a case that goes to trial, the added element of uncertainty as to the outcome can make the experience downright traumatic. By resolving disputed issues, a four-way conference can reduce the acrimony and uncertainty that necessarily comes with a court trial.  

A four-way conference needn’t result in a total settlement to be successful. If some disagreements can be resolved, your case probably will be heard any sooner, but there’s a good chance you’ll wind up saving time and money once you do get to trial. 

Keys to a Successful Outcome

There are no set rules or structure, and the most important consideration should always be the needs and wishes of the parties. Thus, while most conferences take place in the office of one of the lawyers, a “neutral” location ( a local mediation center, for example)  can be used, provided the setting ensures  privacy and confidentiality. Choosing an environment that’s physically and emotionally calm and comfortable is also important.         

While all four participants meet simultaneously, if emotions are high it may be preferable for each party and lawyer to have a separate room. 

Naturally, there’s no guarantee that any conference will succeed, but preparation can help foster a good outcome. The most common reason for failure is that one or both parties don’t have complete financial or property information, particularly if division of property, child support or spousal maintenance (alimony) are in depute. Scheduling a conference only after the parties have made full and complete disclosure of financial and property information will reduce the chance of winding up at an impasse.

Ideally, the agenda for a four-way conference will consist of filling in the details of a broad outline negotiated in advance. If at all possible, major disputes should be hashed out prior to the conference. At a minimum, however, both parties and their attorneys should go into the conference understanding the disputed issues and their respective spouses’ positions regarding each.  

Conclusion

Provided there has been full and mutual disclosure of assets and liabilities, a well-planned settlement conference can be an effective way for motivated spouses to resolve disputed domestic relations issues.

Things to Do to Prepare for Your Divorce

As any Chicago divorce lawyer will tell you, few if any clients just wake up one day and decide that their marriages are over. Most also do not make the decision to file for divorce without a great deal of thought. Although Illinois is essentially a “no fault” divorce state, and despite the availability of mediation and other less contentious alternatives to the traditional adversarial divorce process, for most individuals, legally ending a marriages remains a stressful and emotionally trying  experience.  

As in nearly any difficult situation, though, advance planning can reduce your stress level and help you make more thoughtful and informed decisions about your future.  Of course, consulting an experienced and knowledgeable divorce attorney is a good place to start. If you’re considering divorce, here are some other practical things you can do to prepare.

  

Children and Divorce in Illinois  

If you have children under age 18 at home, are you confident you and your spouse can agree on issues of custody and visitation? Since Illinois law requires the court to decide these issues based on the best interests of the child, evidence of your involvement in your child’s life is crucial. Keep a written diary or journal of all activities with the children, no matter how routine. Be sure to note also details of any negative situations involving your spouse, such as arguments he or she starts in front of your children or negative comments about you made to the children. 

Financial Records and Divorce

Gather as much information as you can in order to give your attorney (and, eventually, a judge) a complete picture of your family’s financial situation. Make (and keep in a secure location outside the home) copies of relevant documents, including the following:

• Bank and investment account statements for the last twelve months (whether in joint names or just your spouse’s). You may be able to get these online, if necessary.
• Several of your spouse's recent pay stubs (or deposit advices if his or her pay is direct deposited)
• Twelve months’ worth of statements for pension, 401k or other retirement plans. In Illinois, the court can consider your spouse’s retirement plan balances when dividing marital assets. 
• Your last three years’ federal and state tax returns (assuming you file jointly with your spouse).    

Illinois Marital and Separate Property and Debts 

Division of assets and debts of the “marital estate” can be among the most contentious issues in divorce. You’ll need to make lists of:

• All “marital property”. This property includes most real estate and major personal property (automobiles, electronic equipment, etc.) acquired during the marriage. Using available sources (for example, the property appraisal from when you refinanced your home or prices on a used car website), estimate the current value of each item.
• All debts incurred during the marriage. Indicate the type, account number and current (and, if known, original) balance. If your spouse brought any debt into the marriage, note that fact. In Illinois, you may not be responsible for paying this debt after the divorce.
• Your separate property, which is not generally subject to division. Generally, this is property you owned before marriage, but if you later received gifts or an inheritance, it may also be treated as yours alone.

Finally, if your spouse had extramarital relationships, gather receipts or other proof of any money he or she spent. While evidence of infidelity typically won’t affect alimony, child support or property division, an experienced Chicago divorce lawyer may be able to convince the judge to order your spouse to pay this amount to the marital estate.